so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
