he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
