Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
