yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
