My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
