yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
