i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
