there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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