I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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