id be glad to
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
