Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
