My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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