Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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