I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
