It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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