i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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