I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
