when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
