I think i peed on brittanys purse
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
