I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
