dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
