i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
