I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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