You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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