My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
