is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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