a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
