Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
