The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
