is wine microwaveable?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
