I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
