we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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