ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
