Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
