you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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