apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
