worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
