Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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