yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
