It's Friday. Sex?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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