I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
