True but thats because hes a fetus.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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