I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
