So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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