He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
