Don't make out with my wife yet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
