Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
