Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just gift wrapped bread.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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