Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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