i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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